unraveling, unmoored
I sincerely have no idea how to human with other humans. Do you know how? Do you know how to love and be loved in return? How to invite someone into your life and not panic when there’s too much closeness? Do you know how to allow them to be on their own journey, whatever that may be, and stay self-contained? Do you know how to make amends when things go awry and you hurt someone?
I hope so. I don’t.
photos
Am turning my car into a camper car. After spending some time in the woods with the birds, I knew desperately that I couldn’t continue to be bound to this basement apartment. Instead, I intend to be an itinerant artist-poet-bird witch. I felt peace for the first time in weeks. The transition has been breezy so far almost as if I’m aligned with Source on this one. It’s amazing how easy it is to get help removing the backseat of your car. You can support this transition by contributing to a Ko-Fi goal or sending cash on Venmo @libbywalkup.
The garden is producing an insane number of tomatoes. Yes, they are delicious.
I lost this favorite rose gold pen down the sofa months ago. Every time I went to fish something else out from underneath, I looked hopelessly, but the other day, my eye was drawn to the upper corner, and there she was trapped on a piece of wood. It took 20 minutes to maneuver myself and it out of the electric leg rest mechanism, but we persevered. She’s not without her battle wounds, namely a large nick, but we can enjoy each other’s company once again. It’s not much, a small symbol of hope, but a symbol nonetheless. Send your small moments of hope in these tumultuous times in the comments. Others probably need to hear them.
A full moon in Pisces creeping up on the edge of town, much much bigger in person than my phone was able to capture. Called the blood moon. There was a lunar eclipse Sunday. If you’re feeling some kind of way still, that’s a lot of energy to process, it’s recommended to cry in the bath and be easy with yourself. There’s another eclipse coming up on the 21st, and then the equinox, and then my birthday on the 24th. So, take care of yourselves. And if you want to contribute to my eating whatever I want and doing whatever I want for my birthday, my Venmo details are @libbywalkup.
(and 6.) WIP. I’m exploring with watercolor and, of course, more lines and circles. All I want to do is draw, really, I have so few words. They all feel inadequate and ineffective. Drawing recenters. Focusing on my spine pulls me back into my body. I’d like to be more analog. The digital world, particularly social media, disembodies me.
at Commonplace Zines is already doing it. Who’s in? (Upgrade to Paid to support this endeavor, which will be made remarkably more complicated from the road… because I like things to be complicated.)
Does it disembbody you? I don’t know if we can be connected if we’re not connected to ourselves first. I lost myself the last six weeks or so. It led to a massive meltdown, and I hurt someone I was feeling close to.
Being social media-free and sending zines to paid subs in the actual post won’t fix any of that, nor was it the cause, but it’s something I’m more and more drawn to. I don’t know what it looks like yet or how to make the transition a smooth one, but
invitation to guest post
I love honoring you, honoring your practices of all kinds, from the unhurried practice of baking sourdough bread to the dedicated practice of relearning to read after cognitive disability. Won’t you share them with me? unraveling, unmoored will soon be hearing from poet
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I do quite like this art. I love watercolor and circles. They are everything.
My anniversary is the day before your birthday, neat!
The eclipse has indeed already begun to kick my a$$. Crying in water has happened. Crying outside of water has happened as well.
Stunning.